“The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at anytime”- Mark Twain
mine is the red one!
Last night, I watched The Bucket List again. You know the movie I am talking about… Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman trying (do they do it or don’t they?-I am not a movie spoiler) to fulfill everything on their “to do” before they both “kick the bucket” list. You know, drive fast cars, get tattoos, parachute, know (in the Biblical sense) women…They both have terminal cancer and only have a few months to live. It wasn’t as good as I expected. I thought, in vain, that watching it again would help me to have more of an appreciation for it, but it didn’t. Although I generally adore both actors, it was neither of their best performances.
The poster for The Bucket List
But I think after some thought, I might know why I really didn’t enjoy it that much. Both men are older, like seventies old. They have lived their lives. They have made a million choices, on a million days and yet a diagnosis, a realization, eventually led them to that point: a life changing moment, a time in which they choose to take action. Something doesn’t seem right about that. I mean I know it is Hollywood, but it isn’t realistic. Seventy year old men don’t leave their wives, their kids, their grandkids in their last days to go sit on the pyramids. Maybe it is me… I don’t know. Maybe I am an ageist. I don’t know.
pyramid scence from the movie...
But here is what I would like to see. A twenty/thirty-year-old with the whole world at their feet and see what they would choose to do in their last months. I don’t want to see this “whole abandon my wife who has tied me down or leave my kids who have occupied too much of my time” to go climb a mountain crap.
Oscar Wilde once said,” it is for the man who lives for more than one life, that more deaths than one must occur.”
Maybe I am missing something, but I agree with Mr. Wilde. Isn’t that the whole point? People, who have truly loved others, those who have invested, and those who have sacrificed for the people around them, can never truly die. They will continue to live on in all those they have given themselves too.
I had the most interesting conversation with my younger (NOT smaller) brother a while back. In fact, it was months ago. And even though, I forget the movies in the DVD player, my drink on the counter, and even names of people who have JUST introduced themselves…I remember this conversation VIVIDLY.
I was semi watching TV while doing housework in the “informal living room/den.” This room is also known as the girl’s room. I was in and out, doing laundry and cleaning the kitchen, but I had the TV on some entertainment news channel in the back ground. And my brother walked through (the girl’s room), he had been in the “man’s room” (the formal living room with leather furniture, more TV channels, the fish tank, and an over all much more manly essence). He was on his way to the fridge to grab a drink (which makes me think a mini fridge would probably make the man’s room more manly- The girls do have much closer access to the kitchen…hmmm), but a story about the death and autopsy findings on a young Hollywood socialite caught his eye and he sat down on an ottoman. About halfway through of the story/gossip/”report” I walked through with a load of dry towels, dumped them on a couch, and began to fold. I also then became intrigued by the story.
I had never once seen this woman in public “sober”, by any stretch of the word. She publicly abused drugs, alcohol, and had many scandals surrounding her. She was in court every week, made no secret of the pills she took, had numerous inappropriate sexual relations, and not only did she subject herself to the media in such a way that she was the quintessential butt of practically every Hollywood glamour girl joke, she also made money off of her unhealthy lifestyle.
As the program went to break after talking about what drugs and substances were found in her body after the autopsy, the horrific damage all of the many the years of abuse had left upon her organs, and even speculated about the exact cause of death…although there could have and probably were many contributing factors. I casually stated, partially to myself and partially to my brother, “How sad! What a horrific tragedy!” And my brother laughed. Not a mean maniacal laugh, but an “I can’t believe she doesn’t get it” kind of “knowing laugh.”
This upset me and we launched into a “discussion.” We don’t always see eye to eye…it might be because he is a good foot taller than me. And so I informed him, that this woman was dead. She was gone, forever. Her child, an infant at the time, would grow up in the courts until the fighting could stop and someone could figure out who the child’s father actually was. And after all that…she would never know her mother, her real mom. Not the actress, or the drug user, or the poster child for plastic surgery, or the controversial courtroom frequent. Even worse than all of that was the fact that her little girl would grow up with out a mother. Her mom wouldn’t be there when she takes her first steps or goes to kindergarten, or dates, or graduates, or marries. How could that not be a tragedy? And then I asked him, “so what are you saying, Brandon, death isn’t a tragedy?”
His answer surprised me. It took me off guard and I thought about it, dumbfounded, for a long time…but I think he was right. “No, Amy it isn’t. It can be surprising, and shocking, and scary, and heartbreaking. But death in and of itself isn’t the tragedy. It is part of the deal. Signing up for life means you are signing up for death. And calling it a “tragedy” will never change the fact that it will happen. Life is a TERMINAL sexually transmitted disease with no cure. People get sick and die. People grow old and die. People do drugs and they die. People get in car accidents and die.”
I think for a long time I thought life was sacred. And that death, eventually my death and those I love deaths would be a tragedy. But that is selfish, stupid, and not right. Life is like tool. It is like a hammer. Okay a little different from a hammer, but it has purpose. It has a meaning and has no place being put upon a pedestal. We live so that we may love, serve, encourage, share the truth, and do His work. It isn’t sacred at all. That is kind of like calling a strawberry sacred. Life is has reason, a point, function, intention, and objective, and even an end. Death is not the tragedy…wasting your life is. “To live is Christ and to die is gain.” Phil. 1:21
My Bucket List...Page 1
I have a “bucket list.” I know that may seem weird or morbid, but I do. I have had it for a while. It is more of things I want to do/experience/give/indulge in for however long I am granted to continue to keep breathing, laughing, and spinning around on this earth. Let’s face it…we are each only allowed so many spins around the sun…to think we can change that or avoid it is silly. It is foolish. So with my list I have tried to incorporate things that will bring me satisfaction, joy, and peace. And in full discloser I have decided to selectively share with you some (20-there are hundreds) of the things on my list. In NO particular order:
- Learn how to walk in heels…well.
The Stuart Weitzman- the heel version!
- Keep a lot of pictures of the people I love around the house.
- Get married.
- If I want an iced latte-get it. But ask for Soy milk, and sugar free sweetener- it makes it me feel better. (maybe I should add-see a psychiatrist)
- Thank my writing professors from college, in a truly perfect way (I am not sure how yet, maybe with a copy of a book, a good, important, meaningful book I wrote and got published??? I’ll figure it out.) They taught me the power of words and I will forever be indebted to them!
- ALWAYS be there/available for my beautiful young cousins. Life is tough and they will need allies.
from left to right...my beautiful girls Lizzy, myself, and Lauren
- Buy the Stuart Weitzman shoes (the sparkly red flat ones I love-unless I have learned to walk in heels by then). I have always thought they were frivolous, but they are like Dorothy shoes, only WAY cuter!
the flat version: if you have any quesions as to why flats..ask Lora!
- Kiss a complete stranger.
- Hold my child…and name her or him after important people in my family.
- Watch a sunrise and sunset in the same day.
- Have no regrets.
- Try as humanly possible to always say “please,” “thank you,” and “you’re welcome”
- Never go to bed angry or without praying.
- Do EVERYTHING in my power to keep my “lucky jacket” lucky.*
- Never be afraid to say “I love you.”
- Make a list of students, young (post college) men and women, new mothers and fathers, and elderly in my life, family members, and write one of their names in each box of my daily planner. On their day, send them a card, call them, send them a care package, pray for them, or drop them a Facebook note. Find someway to let them know that someone is out there praying and encouraging them! (I HAVE DONE THIS ONE FOR A MONTH NOW AND I LOVE IT!)
my August pages
- Find something important enough to get tattooed on my body…FOREVER…and do it (still a little shaky about this one).
- Figure out a way to let my mom, dad, brothers, grandfather, and other important people in my life know exactly how much I love them and how proud I am of them.
- Rock out an AMAZING 6 pack of abs! Who cares how many crunches it takes?
- Laugh whenever possible, love ALWAYS, and forgive often.
I know many are silly, many I will have to work at my whole life, and some are just good rules to live by. It isn’t really take a marker and cross through kind of list. But I will keep you updated on any new developments!
another page from my list...
* I am wearing it right now… and although the real luck in it comes from me, my love of it and its sentimental value…I still think it is lucky. I have never failed a test while wearing it. I wear it when I write. I wear it when I am having a bad day. I even sleep with it sometimes. I know…judge away!
